i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wish my penis had an off switch
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
