This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
