Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
