:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
