My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
