I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
