My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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