I'm going to jail i love you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
