the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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