last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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