If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
