if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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