just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
