i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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