Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
