Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
