Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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