fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
