i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
