I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
