i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
