I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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