Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
