There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
