RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
