forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
