dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
