Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have aggressive nipples.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
