i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
