She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
