It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
