there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
someone owes me an orgasm
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
