um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
