At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
