it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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