if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
