Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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