u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
