He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
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