weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
