So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
