what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
