There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
