you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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