Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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