I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
