Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
