Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
