Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
