Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
