He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
