i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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