Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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